HOW TO DATE YOURSELF

Whether you're single or in a relationship, we can all use self-love in our lives.

We can all use some self-love in our lives. Whether you're single or in a relationship, we can all benefit from dating ourselves and being kinder to ourselves. Here are some of the ways I try to incorporate self-care into my life:

The brillance of @bymariandrew. Check out her book!

1. Exercise and Meditation: It's what everyone says. But it really does make me feel better about myself and less anxious.

2. "Treat Yo Self": Donna and Tom from Parks and Rec were onto something. Buy yourself flowers, those cute earrings you've been eyeing, a chocolate eclair at the bakery. Life is short. Indulge from time to time.

3. "Treat Yo Self" with Physical Touch: Physical touch is so important, especially if you're single. I save up so I can treat myself to massages, pedicures, and acupuncture from time to time.

4. Take yourself on a solo date: Go to happy hour by yourself and enjoy a glass of wine at the bar while reading a book/people watching. Go on a solo hike. Pack a picnic and hang out at the park solo. Have a solo date night in -- put on a happy playlist and take a bath, do a face mask, use salt scrubs, and dance around your kitchen. If you aren't used to spending time by yourself, it can feel uncomfortable at first. What will people think? But lean in!

5. Take a solo vacation: I'm writing this blog post from an Airbnb that I rented by myself for a week to reflect on 2020, take walks in nature, and soak in the hot tub. This blog post's photo is from a solo vacation I took to Puerto Vallarta a few years ago. Whether you're single or not, I can't recommend solo vacations more highly. It can be intimidating, but it's actually a lot of fun! You set the pace of your day and the agenda. You don't need to compromise at all. Want to sleep in until noon? Done! Want to eat gelato before dinner? Why the hell not! Sure, there will be moments you wish someone were there to enjoy the moment with you. Sure, it gets annoying when hostesses are shocked that you'll be dining alone. But try not to dwell on that. I've learned a lot about myself by traveling solo, and I've met some cool people along the way.

6. Relish being single: If you're single and want to be in a relationship, it's easy to harp on how you wish you had a partner to enjoy various activities with. I was at the farmer's market on a solo date recently and caught myself feeling sad, wishing I had a partner there with me. When I catch myself doing this, I try to focus on how nice it is that I'm on a date with myself and how much I enjoy my own company. In the future, when I'm married with kids, I know I'll look back and feel nostalgic about these moments. So I try to live in the moment and enjoy this solo time. Even if you're not single, the same lesson applies. Try to look for the positive and enjoy your current life moment. There will likely be aspects that you think of fondly down the road.

7. Establish self-love mantras: Your internal dialogue directly shapes how you feel about yourself. There are a lot of great resources on how to replace negative self-talk with positive mantras, which I won't try to recreate. I particularly like the mantras recommended by Sarah Samuel. What are the things you are mean to yourself about? Pick a few mantras that resonate with you, and then say them to yourself - in the shower, when you're falling asleep at night, putting on your makeup, and getting dressed. Write post it note reminders. Hell, even set one as your computer password!

8. Try not to compare yourself to others: Whether it's about looks or smarts or accomplishments, comparing yourself to others will just make you doubt yourself and feel bad. See #7 and establish some self-love mantras.

9. Reconnect with what YOU want: Coming out of a long-term relationship, I realized I was so used to doing what my partner wanted all the time to avoid conflict that I'd lost sight of what I like/what I want. Whether you're single or in a relationship, practice listening to what you want. I'm in the mood for Thai food tonight. I want to be lazy, binge watch Schitt's Creek, and stay in my pajamas all day. Compromise is part of being in a relationship, but it's important to stay connected with what you want, even if you don't get what you want every time.

What is part of your self-care routine? How do you date yourself? How do you treat yo self? I'd love to hear your ideas!